By watching for the signs, knowing the causes, and following the keys to bonding for high-risk infants you can:
- Avoid a lot of heartache
- Have a child who trusts and respects you
- Have a child who knows how to love and cares about others
- Avoid raising an angry, aggressive, defiant child
- Stimulate brain development so your child can be successful in school and in life
Causes
Any of the following conditions occurring to a baby during the first 36 months of life puts them at risk:
- Unwanted pregnancy
- Pre-birth exposure to trauma, drugs or alcohol
- Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)
- Neglect (not answering the baby’s cries for help)
- Separation from primary caregiver (i.e. Illness or death of mother or severe illness or hospitalization of the baby, or adoption
- On-going pain such as colic, hernia or many ear infections
- Changing day cares or using providers who don’t do bonding
- Moms with chronic depression
- Several moves or placements (foster care, failed adoptions)
- Caring for baby on a timed schedule or other self-centered parenting
High Risk Signs in Infants
- Does not use crying appropriately to get someone to address needs
- Often does not settle when needs are met by Mom (primary caregiver)
- Overreacts or often startles to touch, sound and/or light
- Listlessness with no medical reason (infant depression)
- Limited holding onto or reaching for caregiver
- Lack of appropriate stranger anxiety between 6 and 9 months of age
- Poor sucking response
- Does not smile back or respond with activity to smiles or baby talk
- Developmental delays
- Poor eye contact, lack of tracking
- Self abusive behavior (head banging- self biting- hair pulling)
- Is resistant to cuddling (stiff)
Keys to Bonding High Risk Babies-Every minute you invest holding your child, smiling into their eyes is 1 HOUR less pain when they are teens. If mom must be away four or more hours a day, she must hire someone for the baby to bond to. This person becomes primary and must remain in the baby’s life for the first three years to prevent a bonding break during this crucial time.
- Breast-feed if possible
- Always hold bottle (NEVER prop it)
- Carry the baby in a snugli or fabric carrier on the front, facing mom 4 to 6 hours daily
- Massage baby 20 minutes each day while smiling and using high voice
- Hold & rock infant with loving eye contact, smiles and singing or reading in happy "baby talk" each day
- Feed sweet milk in Mom’s arms with soft eye contact, touch (stroke baby’s face, hold fingers) loving voice.
- Baby should nap daily resting skin to skin on Dad’s chest,
- Baby sleeps with or near parents at night, be careful to avoid falls
- Do not allow baby to self-feed
- No "baby carrier," baby is in arms
- No stroller facing away from Mom
- No one feeds baby except Mom
- No one holds baby except for Mom and Dad unless less than 5 min per day
- Baby must not be left to cry alone for longer than 3 minutes
- Hold baby facing you-heart to heart
- No exposure to TV for one full year
- Delay painful medical procedures, if possible, until child is bonded
- Play Mozart’s music to soothe baby
- Respond to baby’s attempts to get your love and attention with joy!!
For more information:
High Risk Children without a Conscience
by Magid and McKelvey
Attachment, Trauma, and Healing by Levy & Orlans CWLA press
Hope for High Risk by Foster Cline MD available at ACE 303 674 1910
Holding Time by Martha Welsh MD Simon & Shuster publishing
When Love is Not Enough a guide to parenting children with RAD by N. Thomas
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