Taming the Tiger While it’s a Kitten 

First year solutions for babies at risk for Attachment Disorder 

By Nancy Thomas

    By watching for the signs, knowing the causes, and following the keys to bonding for high-risk infants you can:

• Avoid a lot of heartache

• Have a child who trusts and respects you

• Have a child who knows how to love and cares about others

• Avoid raising an angry, aggressive, defiant child

• Stimulate brain development so your child can be successful in school and in life

Causes

Any of the following conditions occurring to a baby during the first 36 months of life puts them at risk:

• Unwanted pregnancy

• Pre-birth exposure to trauma, drugs or alcohol

• Abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)

• Neglect (not answering the baby’s cries for help)

• Separation from primary caregiver (i.e. Illness or death of mother or severe illness or hospitalization of the baby, or adoption

• On-going pain such as colic, hernia or many ear infections

• Changing day cares or using providers who don’t do bonding

• Moms with chronic depression

• Several moves or placements (foster care, failed adoptions)

• Caring for baby on a timed schedule or other self-centered parenting

High Risk Signs in Infants

• Does not use crying appropriately to get someone to address needs

• Often does not settle when needs are met by Mom (primary caregiver)

• Overreacts or often startles to touch, sound and/or light

• Listlessness with no medical reason (infant depression)

• Limited holding onto or reaching for caregiver

• Lack of appropriate stranger anxiety between 6 and 9 months of age

• Poor sucking response

• Does not smile back or respond with activity to smiles or baby talk

• Developmental delays

• Poor eye contact, lack of tracking

• Self abusive behavior (head banging- self biting- hair pulling)

• Is resistant to cuddling (stiff)

Keys to Bonding High Risk Babies-Every minute you invest holding your child, smiling into their eyes is 1 HOUR less pain when they are teens. If mom must be away four or more hours a day, she must hire someone for the baby to bond to. This person becomes primary and must remain in the baby’s life for the first three years to prevent a bonding break during this crucial time.

• Breast-feed if possible

• Always hold bottle (NEVER prop it)

• Carry the baby in a snugli or fabric carrier on the front, facing mom 4 to 6 hours daily

• Massage baby 20 minutes each day while smiling and using high voice

• Hold & rock infant with loving eye contact, smiles and singing or reading in happy "baby talk" each day

• Feed sweet milk in Mom’s arms with soft eye contact, touch (stroke baby’s face, hold fingers) loving voice.

• Baby should nap daily resting skin to skin on Dad’s chest,

• Baby sleeps with or near parents at night, be careful to avoid falls

• Do not allow baby to self-feed

• No "baby carrier," baby is in arms

• No stroller facing away from Mom

• No one feeds baby except Mom

• No one holds baby except for Mom and Dad unless less than 5 min per day

• Baby must not be left to cry alone for longer than 3 minutes

• Hold baby facing you-heart to heart

• No exposure to TV for one full year

• Delay painful medical procedures, if possible, until child is bonded

• Play Mozart’s music to soothe baby

• Respond to baby’s attempts to get your love and attention with joy!!

For more information:

High Risk Children without a Conscience by Magid and McKelvey

Attachment, Trauma, and Healing by Levy & Orlans CWLA press

Hope for High Risk by Foster Cline MD available at ACE 303 674 1910

Holding Time by Martha Welsh MD Simon & Shuster publishing

When Love is Not Enough a guide to parenting children with RAD by N. Thomas