Supporting Families that Have Children With Disabilities

By Sherry Bushnell

    Have you ever listened to someone express to you in great concern…..

“You must be such as special person to be able to care for a child like this….”

“I could never do what you are doing…”

“God has a special reward for you in heaven.”

“How can you be sure that God has called you to take this extra responsibility (read burden) on with your family’s present needs”

“If you adopt a child who has his or her parents bad qualities through genetics, you will reap the parent’s punishment.”

“How do you know that you will be able to financially handle a child with so many medical problems?”

“The time required to help a child with disability does not fit into our life-style.”

These are all comments that we as a family have gotten over the years. Some of them are sad, some are out-right funny.

Most are just an honest communication of thoughts many people have about adopting or raising a child with special needs.

A child that is born to us with a medical need, is still our child, first. Our love doesn’t diminish in the face of surgery, bad behavior we don’t understand, seizures or other trials. In fact, we come even more tender and protective.

A child that is adopted is often given a special part of our heart. A different love that is just as strong as a birth mother’s, equally as protective and nurturing.

How can we provide support to families who are raising children with disability?

The first quality we love to see in people is an ability to overlook. Overlook our absence at church or meetings or gatherings when we are exhausted, overwhelmed.

Overlook behavior of our children caused by over-stimulation, feeling sick (again), pain or frustration.

    Overlook table manners that are less than ideal because of lack of coordination.
    Overlook comments by our child who has a lack of social graces and calls attention to smells, sounds, and sights that interest them.

    The second quality we love to see in folks who would like to support us in caring for our children who are disabled is understanding. It is amazing just how much comfort we as parents get from other adults who can relate to us. Have you experienced a day when you have tried to get things done and at the end of the day, nothing is really accomplished? Some days are like that. We need to hear that we aren’t the only ones out there who are spinning their wheels.

    Provide opportunities to be normal. Depending on our child’s needs, we can feel like a side-show everywhere we go. We still like to be invited, even if we cannot come. Don’t stop asking. Just knowing you care enough to call or ask sends a huge message that, “We love you!”

When our children were younger, it was extra special to have another couple come over and place games with our family. If we had to quit or change activity because the children were needing something different, we’d feel like it was just part of the evening.

    Many families, with children that have disability, struggle with feelings of failure. Parenting a child that is a challenge can be a huge confidence buster. Skills practiced at home can help a parent be brave enough to venture out, then viola! Suddenly behavior never before displayed until eating out, causes us to make a hasty exit. This unpredictable quality of our children can make parenting harder. Some parents even feel abandoned by God. Being tested to the utmost, as we search for ways to help our children grow into the person the Lord has meant them to be, is scary. The “What-if’s” are killer. What if, for instance, our child will not be able to care for themselves at all? Who will care for them when we die?

    Struggling families need their church family to comfort and support them during times of trial. When churches do this, they mirror our Heavenly Father, who is caring for us with arms carefully enfolding us and catching each tear.

    Life’s harsh realities can be softened when we as fellow believers make differences by caring.

    We appreciate prayer. Please pray for strength and patience. Our job is never ending and we sometimes lack an ability to see past the present.

    Please pray for grace and mercy. We want to grow spiritually, just like you do. Pray that the Lord uses each experience and challenges and a point of growth for us.

Please pray for God’s truth to be revealed in the face of Satan’s taunts and attacks. He knows how to bring us down. You can pray that our spiritual eyes will be opened and we will be made stronger, by the grace of God.

    Please pray that we will have our ears attuned to the Living God and that we will be able to see areas we can help our children grow and live more fully.

Consider ideas such as:

    Respite Care: no matter how committed and loving parent can be, sometimes a break is needed just to regroup. If a child is able to be safe and happy with a sitter, consider donating an evening of story reading, bubble bath, and easy games while mom and dad have a few precious hours out.

    If the parent cannot afford it, pay for their meal too! They will never forget your kindness.

Make a meal or two. Letting the family know that it is your turn to cook, no strings attached, and no company required, is a really nice way to say.. I am thinking of you. Call first and arrange a good day to bring the meal over. Check for any dietary needs. Make the dinner and then leave… unless of course the family is desperate for care and encouragement then you better stay.

    Do shopping or errands. Take the other children to the library with you when you go with your own.

    Offer to do laundry. It is a day that sheets need to be changed? Offer to take them all home in a big bag, wash them, and return them, even offering to put them back on! This is a huge task for some moms.

    Yard work, cleaning house… some women welcome this, others are very embarrassed about how behind they are. Be sensitive.

    Look around. Pray about how to help. Your love will be touching and considered a special part of their lives. Even if they are so overwhelmed that they cannot think of anything right that moment for you to do. Ask them to call you.

    Financial assistance. Difficulty making ends meet can accompany a family that has to meet insurance co-payments or medication not covered. If it is a birthday, or other holiday such as Christmas, giving a gift may be totally appreciated, if you know they are struggling.

Paying attention to the family God has called you to minister to is important. Be educated and sensitive to the unique qualities of a family with a child that has differences. You will never regret giving the gift of time and love.