No Perfect Church

JoAnn Harder-Lang

    Here I share a part of my heart and family experience in hopes that you will be encouraged in Christ. Just a little back ground so this makes sense. We were in our mid 30's and our children's dis(abilities) included DS and spinal TB. At the time of this experience, we had 9 children and 1 teenage foster daughter.

Recently a friend called to tell me about something wonderful that had happened at church and how the Lord used her. She went on to explain that a young family with a son who has autism had come to worship at her church. However, the pastor explained how the church wasn’t really equipped for their child’s special needs. Overhearing this, my friend opened her heart for this family (as Christ wants us all to do) and offered to be a one-on-one for this little boy. I told her God will bless her...and thank you! Yes, folks, there are caring people in the body of Christ, people who don’t just read the Bible, but live by it.

    When asked to write this article, I wasn’t sure where it was going. I felt a bit like Moses must have felt when delivering the Ten Commandments to the Hebrew people. I am happy to share not only our family’s story, but those of others as well in the same boat.

    In deciding to walk down our life-path of raising special needs children, it never occurred to our family that we would become unwanted and unwelcome in a church. After all, God created our children and they belong to him. Because God includes our children we assumed so would the church, however that has not always been the case. How could a “true” Christian turn us away from a place of worship, a house of God because our child was different?

    Our first encounter was at a church we had attended for quite some time. My husband knew the senior pastor on a personal level because of his job. We were comfortable and enjoyed the fellowship and worship. We had no idea that our world was about to be turned upside down.

    It was a beautiful spring morning. You could feel the warmth of the suns rays dancing through the kitchen window. Outside the birds sang sweetly and the aroma of my husband’s morning coffee swirled through the house tempting every nose it came in contact with. About half hour before we would be ready to leave the phone rang. This was unusual because we seldom received phone calls on Sunday morning. I answered the phone with a chipper hello and the voice on the other end of the line sounded distressed, it was our assistant pastor’s wife. As she cleared her throat she squeezed out a “Hello…Jo Ann, this is Mrs. “I said, “Good morning!” She went on to let me know that we would need to make other arrangements for our son on Sundays or not attend. Due to my state of shock and disbelief I simply said “Oh, okay.” I hung up the phone.

    My husband not having a clue what had just transpired on the phone came in from feeding the cows and asked if we were ready to go? I burst into tears, (poor man; he didn’t know why he received such a response.) I tried to compose myself but with each word I managed to get out, a burst of sobbing followed. After a few minutes I was able to tell the whole short story of the unexpected Sunday morning phone call. My husband too was shocked and couldn’t believe our regular/senior pastor could possibly know about this situation. However, we agreed to stay home with our son versus finding him some place to be on Sunday morning other than at church with the rest of his family.

    Two weeks passed as did the shock, pain, anger and disbelief of that dreadful phone call.

The senior pastor called and asked if everything was okay? He hadn’t seen us at church and wanted to know how we were doing. I told him not well and that I would put my husband on the phone to explain. The pain was still too great and fresh to have to repeat the story, even as short as it was.

    After my husband got off the phone he commented that it was just as he thought, our senior pastor knew nothing of the incident and welcomed our family back to church. He added that the assistant pastor’s wife had no authority to tell us what she had said and that wasn’t the feeling of the church body, just her opinion. With much relief we began attending church service again. We didn’t give up.

    Years later and after the closing of the church we had attended for several years we began attending a new place of worship. On Mothers Day 2005 our new pastor asked for all the Mothers in the congregation to come forward to the alter to be prayed over. As he spoke he told a story about a Mother (Mary) and these words I will never forget: how would you treat your child if he were the son of God? That one short simple sentence made a profound impression that I carry in my heart to this day. If only all pastors and their congregation would do the same our churches would be a better place, a welcoming place, a place Jesus spoke of in the book of Matthew. “Then the king will say to those on his right, come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.” Then these righteous ones will reply, Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you? “And the king will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters,*you were doing it to me!” NLT

    You see, it’s really not about either the pastor’s wife’s attitude or our son’s special needs, it’s really about how we treat others, especially those who Jesus pointed out in Matthew 25: 34-40 Families with special needs children are thirsty, thirsty for the cool water of life that only Christ can give. They are hungry, hungry for the word of God. They are imprisoned by isolation when they are unaccepted at church or simply told that the church is not equipped for these kinds of kids.

    The Bible tells us in James 2:17 “So you see, faith by itself isn’t enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless.” Faith without works is dead. When Paul wrote the book of Romans he spoke of Abraham. Romans 4:18 Even when there was no reason for hope, Abraham kept hoping- Romans 4:19 And Abraham’s faith did not weaken-“Romans 4:20-21 Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God. He was fully convinced that God is able to do whatever he promises.

    Like Father Abraham, our family never gave up. We continued attending church and educating those who were unknowledgeable of persons with special needs.

    The Bible tells us to meet together as believers and to encourage one another. Hebrews 10:25 Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. NIV

    When you give up on attending church the unity of the body, your own spiritual growth, protection and blessings are all at risk when you're disconnected/not attending church from the body of Christ. Christ's body is made of many parts, yet it is still one unified entity. 1 Corinthians 12:12 The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. NIV

    1 Corinthians 12:14-23 Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. NIV The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. NIV You see, we are the body, your local church needs you!

1 Corinthians 12:27 Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Unity in the body of Christ does not mean total conformity and uniformity. NIV Although maintaining unity in the body is very important, it is also vital to value the unique qualities that make each of us an individual "part" of the body. Both aspects, unity and individuality, deserve emphasis and appreciation. This makes for a healthy church body, Christ is our common denominator, and he makes us one.

Each of you reading this article today will perhaps come to know that you are a necessary “part” of your local church. You have gifts and talents that are needed. Even though one church may turn your family away, don’t give up! Abraham didn’t and by keeping his faith he glorified God.

Currently, our family is anticipating the adoption of a precious little girl who has Spina Bifida. We attend a small multi cultural church with many loving, caring people. However, we are looking for another place to worship. We have no concerns our daughter would be accepted, in fact she would be welcomed with open arms. The difficulty we face is that our church’s children’s church is located in the basement. Sadly, this area of our church is not handicap accessible.

In times of doubt and painful responses from others, we need to trust God and rely on his word. We need to motivate each other to acts of love and good works. Hebrews 10:24 NLT We need to trust God to keep his promise Hebrews 10:23 and we need not neglect meeting together. Hebrews 10:25

Don’t give up looking for a house of worship anymore than you would give up on your child. Christian aren’t perfect, churches aren’t perfect. We must educate those who are unaware of or unknowledgeable of specials needs, otherwise you are missing an opportunity to share with others and to help them to really get to know your child. Sit in on your child’s class. Offer to help once a month in your child’s class. As you do these things you will be unnoticeably educating those around you.

I hope that in some way this article has encouraged you or someone you know.

Blessings,

Jo Ann

Resources for the family:

The book I mentioned at the beginning of this article, “Unto the Least of These: Special Education in the Church- Andrew H. Wood. ISBN 9780872270992 is available at Amazon.com for $ 5.06

I also highly recommend a children’s Christmas DVD by Max Lucado titled; The Crippled Lamb. This truly is a must see at anytime of the year. It can be purchased at Christian Book Distributor/CBD 1-800- 247-4784 the item number is; WW301734 and is only $4.99

Here is a book written by me to help families adopting children with different nationalities than their own. Author: Jo Ann Harder-Lang

Transracial Adoptions, A Mothers Documentary of Racism, Injustice & Joy

My Email: RTRIBE2000@aol.com