The Cost of Adoption

(Editor’s note: Jessica is the daughter of Ruth Allinger, our secretary here at the NATHHAN/ CHASK office. Jessica was taking an English class and one requirement was that she was not allowed to write about subjects such as abortion, homosexuality, and so on. The teacher felt that they were too controversial for a entry-level English class. She wanted them to focus on learning to do research and write, not on defending a belief. Jessica didn't totally like that stipulation (although she could see her point), but she had to work with it. We thought she did an excellent job of getting information and writing about a subject near and dear to our hearts. Kris Breneman and family have adopted through CHASK, and have experienced the adoption of a special needs child twice; Samuel a newborn with a severe heart condition, and Aiden a 3 year old with schizencephally. Jerri Unruh and family have also adopted through CHASK and are board members of the NATHHAN and CHASK organization.)

    When the Unruhs adopted Julia, a baby girl with a severe seizure disorder known as Ohtahara Syndrome, they could not have known what the next months would bring. Most children with Ohtahara Syndrome do not live past their first year, and those who do are severely disabled and usually die in childhood. Julia is now almost three years old, and while there has been lots of progress, new problems have also developed. The monetary costs of a home study and a lawyer are fairly easy to estimate. The greater investments of time and emotion are not so easy to predict. Has adopting Julia been worth the resources and investments involved? Julia’s mom, Jerri, writes "Absolutely! Julia is a blessing in every way."

    What are these resources involved in adopting a disabled child? By examining the resources involved and the experiences of several families who have adopted disabled children, maybe we can decide for ourselves if adopting a developmentally disabled child is worth the cost.

The Financial Cost:

    Perhaps the first cost that comes to mind is that of money. What does it cost to adopt a disabled child, and how can one afford it? One major cost, and probably the first to be dealt with, is that of a home study. Before placing a child with a family, the adoption agency wants to know that the family is able to care for the child, and they determine that through the home study process. They make sure that the house is safe, and that the prospective parents are healthy enough to care for the child. They gain background checks and ask for character references as well. Those who want to adopt may also be required to take some training to better equip themselves to care for an adopted child. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, an agency such as the Department of Social Services, which places children who are in foster care, may conduct a home study free of charge. If not, it usually costs about $300-$500, and that amount is usually reimbursed after the adoption. A home study through private agencies and social workers costs much more, anywhere from $1000-$3000 dollars.

The Breneman family adopted their first special-needs child, Samuel, through the private adoption agency, CASI Foundation for Kids.

(Editor’s note: Here the Breneman family is sharing very frankly about their financial experience regarding their first adoption experience. I think Kris’s advice is very good and that all families who are interested in adopting should take note. Their baby, Samuel, died before adoption was finalized. This is sometimes life in the special needs adoption lane.)

    “The financial cost... my estimate (and it's conservative) of what it cost our family for a private adoption - Sam's situation specifically - is over $10,000 (10K). We spent over $3000 on home study stuff (through CASI Foundation for Kids), over $1500 in travel expenses to Southern California and back with Sam (hotel, airfare, rental car, food, etc...). Over $3000 in agency costs to the agency that placed Sam with us ("Hope for Kids", in Southern California), over $3000 in out-of-pocket medical expenses (He should have been on Medicaid, but was not, so our insurance covered him and we were responsible for all of his medical bills.) The $3,000 we paid to Hope for Kids was all donated money. There were several small donations that helped with the medical expenses, and the funeral expenses. I figured, a year ago when I last considered it, that we had probably - personally - paid out at least $10K from our family budget. From my perspective, it's all God's money. We just did our best to be good stewards as He continued to spend lavishly in whatever way He pleased relative to Sam's adoption! :)

    Yes, for many families there are grants and fundraisers that you can tap in to for expenses. For anyone with an income more than twice the poverty level, however, our experience is that there was NO money available anywhere to help us. Every government accessible program is based on income, and most every non-government grant program is based on your income as well. So, the only financial help we found was God moving His people to contribute to us anonymously.

    There is a fantastic, over $10K federal tax deduction available for people who adopt. We would definitely have qualified to file for significant tax deductions this year because of our efforts to adopt Sam. However, in God's sovereignty, we were unable to obtain a social security number or tax ID number for our baby Sam before he died. We worked very hard for 3 months toward that end while he was still living. Things were finally rolling in the right direction when he died… then everyone just walked away and left us with the bills.

    So, lesson learned (maybe :)! Don't take a special-needs child into your home unless they are on Medicaid, or you are prepared to pay out-of-pocket for the medical expenses you'll face if you are over poverty level and have minimal insurance. ”

(End of this quote).

    The Unruhs adopted Julia through a private adoption agency. Their home study cost $900, and they were later able to get that, as well as travel and other expenses, reimbursed by the state of Arizona, where Julia was born. They did, however, have to pay the $2000 placement fee.

Another financial aspect is medical costs. Disabled children often have ongoing medical needs. They may require medication, surgery, and different types of therapy. Julia needs doctor visits, occupational and speech therapy, and basic care, as well as medication which she must take every day. Without Medicaid and/or insurance, the cost of those services will be very expensive. In addition to the Unruh’s insurance, Julia is on Medicaid. They also receive a monthly amount from the state of Arizona called an adoption subsidy.

The Cost of Time:

    Besides the money involved in adopting a child with disabilities, there is the issue of time. A severely disabled child will need more of a parent’s time than a non-disabled child. Basic skills such as eating or walking are impossible for some children. Julia, although two years old, still requires a feeding tube for receiving nutrition. She is able to eat a little, but not enough to keep up her strength. She also requires constant supervision by someone who knows how to use a suction machine for her choking episodes and how to deal with her seizures. Disabled children may need regular visits with doctors and specialists. There may be time involved taking a child to therapy and doing therapy with them at home.

The Emotional Cost:

    There is a third cost to adopting a special-needs child. It is the cost of emotions. While someone may be able to plan for the time involved in adopting a special-needs child, and they may also be able to gather the necessary finances, they will not be able to adequately determine how adopting will influence their feelings. Adopting any child, including a disabled child, can be a good or bad experience. It can go smoothly, or be filled with difficulty. Not every adoption experience has a happily-ever-after ending. It would be foolish to jump into an adoption without seriously considering whether or not you are willing to follow through if things get hard. Perhaps the experience of the Breneman family can demonstrate this. Kevin and Kris Breneman already had four children before they decided to adopt. Kris explains, “If you are looking at it from a purely humanist perspective, in my experience, the benefits of adopting are NOT greater than the time, resources, and costs involved. If I look at all of the suffering and sacrifice involved in giving Sam a family, from a purely humanist perspective, I can find no LOGICAL benefit - material or emotional. If placed on a scale, the endless months of emotional pain would probably be considered to have far outweighed the 16 weeks of emotional joy we briefly experienced.

    This would be my opinion as to why so many people do NOT adopt special-needs kids. We are - humanly speaking - primarily motivated by selfishness in varying degrees. Either emotional or material. If all that's involved in doing something nets ME nothing but pain and material loss, I'm not hugely motivated to pursue such interests. Are you?

    Thus, OUR reasons for pursuing a special-needs adoption had to be either:

1. naiveté (didn't know it would cost us)

2. foolishness (were taking risks we should have know better than to take)

3. Motivated by something outside of ourselves that is capable of superseding our selfish human bent (We are Christ's slaves).

    Through CHASK, we heard about a little boy who had been born with Heterotaxy Syndrome and Asplenia. Because of that, he had an unbalanced Atrio Ventricular Septal defect with Pulmonary Atresia. Put more simply, he had only two chambers in his heart rather than the four of a healthy human heart. In addition, he did not have the pulmonary artery which carries blood from the heart to the lungs. He was placed on full life support soon after he was born, and at four days old he had the first of several prospective open-heart surgeries.

    Since the baby’s birth-parents had decided to give him up for adoption before he was born, he did not yet have a name, and our family chose the name Samuel David. Samuel means "asked of God," and David means "Beloved." Even as we prepared to adopt Sammy, we knew he might die before we could ever see him. In an article I wrote for NATHHAN/CHASK News, it records a bit of conversation between myself and Samuel’s social-worker:

    “Her [the social worker’s] final question to me was the shock-to-commitment that I needed. She asked me, "On a scale of 1 to 10, how committed are you to this baby?" I paused for a moment to check my heart, and then responded, "10! He’s ours. We’ll be coming down to get him, even if it means bringing him home for a funeral here."

    Although we were committed to Samuel, even if he died, we could not have completely prepare ourselves for that very real possibility.

    The casket looked so small, sitting at the front of the church, a large bouquet of purple lilacs standing close to it. I guess Samuel didn’t need a very large one though; he wasn’t quite four months old when he died. There was not a dry eye in the crowded church that morning as Kevin told of Samuel’s going to be with the Lord. While in Spokane, preparing for the second open heart surgery, Samuel went into cardiac arrest. The medical staff worked on him for close to an hour, but couldn’t keep his heart going on its own for more than fifteen seconds at a time. In addition, the acid levels in his blood had risen to the point that Samuel would be brain dead, even if the doctors could get his heart to beat. We told him goodbye, and allowed the doctors to stop the CPR. (End of this quote.)

    Jessica writes: Given that so much time, money, and emotion are involved in adopting a developmentally disabled child, what about other children a family may already have? Jim and Jerri Unruh had eight children before they adopted Julia. Relatives and hospital staff could not understand why they would adopt someone like Julia. Jim writes, "We have heard things like, ‘how can you do this to yourselves and your family’ ‘isn’t there someone else who can raise “it”.

    Julia’s new siblings don’t feel that way. They love to cuddle and kiss their little sister. Even four-year-old Lily knows that Julia is different from other children. While other children should certainly be considered when thinking about adopting a disabled child, they should not automatically be considered a reason against adopting. Adopting a child with disabilities can be a blessing to the whole family.

    Adopting won’t make you rich. You may be able to receive some financial aid, or like the Brenemans, you may end up spending thousands of dollars. You will have to adjust your schedule in order to meet the physical needs of your child. You may pour yourself into an adoption, only for things to end. The disability may be more than you can handle, and you may have to send the child back, or, like Sammy, a child with a life-threatening condition may die.

    Even though adopting disabled children may cost much in terms of money and time, many families who have adopted special-needs children would not give them back. In an article on Adoption Online, Joan Leof writes, "families who have adopted such [disabled] children talk about the ‘incredible joy’ the children bring to them.. They describe them as having enriched their families in ways they could never have imagined." Speaking of Julia, Jerri Unruh says "She’s mine. God placed her here . . . I’m so blessed by her every day."

    Will it be worth it for you to adopt a disabled child? It probably won’t if you are looking for material benefits. However, you may find that the spiritual blessings are more than you could have imagined.

Jerri Unruh shares, "When we first considered adopting Julia, I was convinced that we needed her as much (or more) than she needed us. Would I adopt Julia again, knowing all that we would go through? Absolutely!"

    Kris writes about their choosing adoption again: “I guess I'm hoping that our reasons to adopt a child with special needs are motivated by reasons outside of ourselves, and that we weren't naive or foolish regarding the possible outcomes. Using my spiritual glasses, here's how our family has benefited and why we're going down this path again with Aiden.

    1. God was glorified - by our obedience and submission to His Will for us.

    2. Our suffering and sacrifice in this present world (according to God's Will) results in laying up treasures in heaven for us and glory to God (the achievement of God's ultimate purpose for us) as demonstrated by Christ's example.

    3. Our children (and perhaps others around us) have seen Christ's sacrificial love demonstrated in real life - both the pain and agony involved in suffering, and Christ's very real power to carry us through this pain with our faith intact and growing stronger through the trials.

    4. Living out, in real life, a practical expression that demonstrates the inherent worth of every human being is a strong, counter-cultural statement, although not one I would have willingly chosen to make of my own volition. It costs us, but I am convinced that God is glorified through this blatant testimony. It could not be otherwise. If I am not convinced of this, I will not have the strength to follow through.

    There are opportunities - humanly speaking - to turn and walk away from our current commitment to little Aiden. But to do so would fly in the face of our personal convictions, which were cemented in place through thorough study of God's Word. In other words, if we walk away from Aiden now, it would be to disown Christ and what God's Word tells us about our purpose in this world, the reason we were purchased at so dear a price (to do the works that God has prepared for us to do as slaves of Christ). For us it would be turning our backs on the full truth of God's Word regarding the value of human life. Wow.

How humbling to recognize that it is God's strength alone that keeps us moving forward day by day through all of the trials and adversities associated with caring for someone who is "broken and worthless" in the eyes of the world.

        We are not a “poster-family” for special-needs adoption. I can no longer say that everyone should be adopting as we are choosing to do. The pain of Sam's loss is VERY real, and I would not willingly subject myself, or my children, to this kind of pain repeatedly. It would be rank foolishness to do so.

Neither would I counsel others to take such risk of finances, time and emotional hardship, unless God was telling them to do so through the study of His Word.

Thinking of adopting a child with special needs?

    I believe the principles are there in Scripture, the ones that tell us to value human life (EVERY life) as God-created and God-ordained, and that we are to serve God by being used of Him as His Hands and Feet to those around us.

    I believe that if we follow Him and His Word, He will bless us for it (though more likely the blessings won't be realized until we're finished laboring on this earth).

    The costs are so much greater than any felt-reward in the here and now. It would be interesting to hear a non-Christian's rationale for adopting or fostering special-needs kids. Evolution decries our efforts as illogical at best, and would more likely attribute them to some emotional rationale …..which is shaky ground to stand on when caring for the child gets hard - and it WILL get hard!”

(Editor’s note: Reading about these different families who choose to support life (all life!) shows that there are Christians putting shoe leather on their convictions. This whole concept of adopting a child with special needs and forgoing physical and emotional comfort, is stunning for hurting birth parents facing an adverse pregnancy diagnosis. Their answer to being pregnant with a “fetus” with medical problems, especially genetic, is relief through pregnancy termination or “choice”. (Certainly not the baby’s choice!)

Not every Christian is called to adopt a child with special needs. But every Christian is called to minister to orphans. (James 1:27). How are you putting shoe leather to your strong pro-life conviction?)