Letter from family experiencing problems with bedwetting, Should she spank?

    My 7 year old step son is still wetting the bed. My husband said it took the longest time for him to get out of diapers and pull ups. He was still wearing them when he was 5 years old.
    Finally, we said that was not going to cut it at our house. And I tell him now that having an accident during the day is not acceptable at all.
But the night time...we cut off drinking at 8:30. And I have gotten him up an hour after he has gone to bed, before we go to bed. Like last night, I got him back up at 10:30 which is a chore because he is dead asleep. He barely went to the bathroom. This morning, his bed was wet. And he didn’t have anything to drink after 8:30pm.
I am getting tired of washing the sheets every day. I asked him if he is not realizing he is wetting the bed, and he says he doesn’t. I told him that he needs to work on realizing that he has to go, that it isn’t any different than during the day when your body tells that you have to go.
    I have read a few things on some websites. James Dobson says that you shouldn’t spank for it, which I agree to a little, but then when does it become the time that they need to be accountable for it?
Also, Dr. Dobson said that you shouldn't wake them up during the night to go, because they don’t understand it. And their bodies could be thinking they are getting up and going, when they really are still in bed… kind of a dream state. But I don’t know if I agree with that.
What can we do?

Response #1 - Bedwetting
My son has Cerebral Palsy and is completing potty trained since the age of 4 except at night. My husband and I accept it and have never questioned this we know it is accidental. I buy goodnights at Walmart and he puts one on before bed, no tricks, no treats, and no beats. We just put on the pull up. They are wet ...and the bed is dry. Everyone is happy. No need to cry. We plan to keep doing this no matter how old he is We really want to keep a good self esteem in our child and this is something we know he will either outgrow or maybe never be able to control. Either way he is loved. If he can't control his bladder he is still okay. ngodservice@triad.rr.co

Response #2 Bedwetting?
I'm sure you've received plenty of responses regarding advice on bedwetting. Just in case I can add something useful, I felt I should reply. I've just been so busy that I haven't had any time to think about e-mailing until now.

I have 4 kids - none who matched the stories of my friends. (Friends reported, "At age 3, when my child learned to stay dry during the day, she/he also stayed dry at night.) Each of my kids presented me with his/hers own challenges in trying to accomplish the dry bed in the morning.

I had heard the theory that you just have to wait until the child is ready to stay dry at night. I tried to follow that. But when my first son could no longer fit into diapers (& adult size was too big!), I had to do something. I bought a night time bed wetting alarm by Fisher Price. I used that along with a progress chart and awards system. Within a week and a half, he was staying dry. I was thrilled! When my 2nd son didn't catch on to staying dry at night, I had to try a different approach because he is deaf. Because of my success with the audio alarm, I decided to invest in a vibrating alarm, even though it was spendy. Although our results we not as quick, he also learned to stay dry within a reasonable time period. He did relapse into wetting occasionally, so we'd start using the alarm again. It worked, and soon he no longer wet at night.

Several years later, it was my daughter's turn. I tried to use the alarms on her, and she rejected them, declaring she'd learn to stay dry on her own. I couldn't believe it that within a week, she no longer wet her bed. I guess all she needed was a little motivation.

My fourth, youngest daughter has been a completely different story. Staying dry during the day has been a long, long struggle. We didn't even think about trying to keep her dry at night. We had doctors examine her to be sure she didn't have any physical problems preventing her from controlling herself. Her pediatrician referred her to a urologist at our request. He told me that I had nothing to be concerned about and that it was perfectly normal for a six year old girl to have "accidents." What was not normal was a mother who didn't understand and accept this. (I knew he didn't understand anything about mothering. He obviously had no personal experience dealing with this day in and day out. Having a sink full of pee-filled pants on a daily basis is tiring and discouraging.) He said he could put her on medication to help her with bladder control, but warned of the many side effects and likely chance that it wouldn't help her.

What could I do? I fought putting her back in diapers when she was 5 & 6, because she then made no effort to use the toilet. We'd hate to go visit friends because our daughter inevitably would pee her pants, not tell us, and sit on various pieces of their furniture.) I didn't know what to do. My husband would spank her when she had an "accident", but it was hard for me to do the same because everything I read discourage that method. We tried a variety of responses, motivational bribes, constant reminders. . . with limited success. Then, by surprise, I received a note about a pharaceutical company that was doing a study of a medication to help children control their bladders. I checked into it and signed up, even though it meant a number of long distant trips. I wasn't real hopeful when we started this study because the doctor warned me that it doesn't help children who are just being lazy about going to the toilet. By then, I felt that laziness likely was my daughter's problem. But we went ahead and tried it because I felt it was my only hope.

In addition to the drug therapy, there were times when my daughter had to chart her own progress. Behavior modification techniques were incorporated as needed. Rewards were given. I was quite pleased with the benefits my daughter was receiving, even though it wasn't an instant cure. The medication seemed to give her enought extra control that allowed behavior modification methods to be used more successfully. This medication only needed to be taken once in the morning and once before bed. I finally had hope. Near the end of the study, the company had promised to provide a year's worth of this drug for no charge if the subject's parents requested it. I was so discouraged when they announced that they decided not to make this form of the medicine any longer, and thus would not be able to supply us with it.

I went back to our pediatrician and told her our story. Through the urologist, we tried another medication. Unfortunately, we had no results. This in part was because the medicine needed to be taken every 8 hours. I would forget to give it to her in the afternoon, and at night she would sleep longer that 8 hours. They finally agreed to let me try another medication that lasted for 12 hours. It's an expensive medicine, but we have good health insurance, so I went for it. We continued to be frustrated at the results, but I was determined to make it work, so we added many motivational factors in, along with numerous potty reminders. We've finally made some good progress. I did try the night alarm on her, but realized the anatomy of a girl was not as conducive to the alarm as a boy's anatomy was. We've become very strict with her on evening fluids; preferably nothing to drink after 6 PM (occasionally we allowed a little beverage up til 7 PM. We did rewards for staying dry for a long time. We realized at one point that she was actually wetting the bed right after she woke up in the morning because she was too lazy to make it to the toilet. I do spank her when she obviously breaks the rules like refusing to go to the toilet before climbing into bed, or drinking something in the evening and later wetting her bed. Holding her accountable to what we know she can do has been successful.

Anyway, I've rattled on and on, and I must get dinner going. I don't even have time to proofread this or see what information I've neglected. If you want to communicate more, or if you want to buy or borrow a night time alarm, let me know. I've planned to sell them since we no longer need them, but haven't had the time. But if you want to try it and can't afford one, let me know and I'll be willing to help you out.

Good luck! Marilyn Agenbroad 116 Jerome
Silverton, OR 97381
503-873-8451

Response #3 Bedwetting?
Dear Tired Mom,
I understand exactly where you are coming from. We have seven children and of the seven one grew out of the problem on his own at 6 years old with the use of an alarm clock, the other boy at 6 y.o. we chose to use medication and this worked wonderfully and was discontinued in 6 months problem solved. The third child with nocturnal enuresis the problem is severe. After different medical test being run to make sure that kidneys and bladder are okay and different medicine for a few months DDAVP (the latest greatest and with too many side effects) we let is run its course for a number of years. At 13 years old we once again sought medical consults because she was becoming embarrassed. We never ridiculed, spanked, or belittled in any manner. Trust me these kids would much rather wake up dry. There self esteem will suffer if parents and family cause them to feel embarrassed. This, in my opinion would be an awful mistake and would not exemplify compassion. After the last consult with a very concerned and understanding doctor this child has been put on a low dose medication that works two-fold. It is helping control headaches (migraines) and nocturnal enuresis.
We have reduced wet beds from 6-7 nights a week to around 2 nights a week. That is a real gain. She feels better. Many people may not agree with medication however after having done much reading and soul searching it is what worked for our girl and we believe that she will eventually outgrow altogether this tendency..

From what I have learned, nocturnal enuresis is more of a sleep problem. Some children sleep so deep they cannot realize from a sound sleep that they have to get up and go. They may dream they are going to the bathroom; I mean literally dream they are walking in the bathroom and going and then wet the bed. The one son with the greater problem would at times sleep walk into our bathroom at night and void into the trashcan, heater duct, floor, or corner. The urge woke him, but in a semi sleep he could manage bathroom just not hit the right spot. However, our girl with the problem at times I would find wet at night and would rouse her to get up and go to the bathroom while I would strip the bed and pile on a sleeping bag or something, she would actually get lost on the way to the bathroom and could not understand to change her clothes once there. Many times I would have to assist her with this job too. Never fussing at her, that would have added to her confusion. She would NEVER remember these episodes the next morning.

This is also hereditary in nature. Both my husband and I were bedwetters, thus we gave birth to three of them. Please do not despair for as tough as it is for you it is harder for this child. He will eventually outgrow the problem. If you have good insurance you may consider a medical consult. We did make one requirement of the children once old enough and that was to strip there own bed and bring the sheets to Mommy. This was a big help. This should be explained to them in a loving, compassionate manner. It should be conveyed that they are loved and not going to be purposely embarrassed for this and that Mom and Dad are going to help them through this tough time. Christ loves this child wet bed and all. I take care of the elderly in a nursing home. I work part- time as a nurse and believe me most of us return to our childhood if we live long enough.

I would be happy to talk to you personally or please feel free to email me. My heart was truly touched by your plea for help. 434-735-8626 ReidFamily@kerrlake.com
Sincerely,
Eva Reid

Response #4: Concerning Bedwetting: Should we spank?
No, don’t spank; it’s not that kind of discipline that’s needed.......
My son was 9 when he was able to finally stop wetting the bed at night; I could remember that when I was 6, I did it because I was too lazy to get up ~ but my heart was tugged with a tenderness toward this child of mine who insisted he did not know that he was going, and was so ashamed of his having done it.
I had just attended a seminar where one thing the teacher had talked about, was going to bed quoting God’s word back to Him, in order to give Him your sleeping hours too.
So, I exhorted my son to make sure his last thoughts were a talking to God about it before he went to sleep. And, every night he remembered to do it, he would wake up dry !
He is 25 now, and a high school teacher, who loves and cares for his students passionately, and loves the Lord and longs to impart Him to all those he meets!
And I am pretty sure that one reason God allowed him to wet the bed for so long a time, was so I could tell other folks that have that trouble, of how much hope and love and faithfulness there is in trusting Him with all your heart and leaning not on your own understanding! J (Proverbs 3:5-6) with His love, Mary Sands 727-24th Ave. N.E.Minneapolis, MN 55418 612-781-4719 mhsands@hotmail.com 

Response #5 Bed Wetting
My name is Kim LoveJoy and I have an adopted special needs daughter that we fought the "bed-wetting war" with until she was 7 years old. DO NOT SPANK! Corporal punishment will just prolong this problem. Trust me.
The family that wrote in stated that they cut off liquids at 8:30pm. Liquids should be cut off at least 2 1/2 hours before bedtime. The child should go to the bath room before getting into bed and the parent should rise before the child and wake him/her up and take her to bathroom before they begin to wake up.
If the child has an accident during the daytime......reenforce empathy to the child's situation...such as, " Johnny, I'm so sorry that you have had this accident. Let's get you cleaned up and then you can take a nap because I know if you hadn't been so tired you would not have done this." Then have the child take a nap or rest for 1 hour.
Make the child clean up his/her own accidents. He/she can strip the bed, load the washer, swap into dryer and remake their bed....every time they have an accident.
Also, I was told to take my child to a chiropractor for adjustment to relieve the problem.....after a 2 month delay, I did take our daughter and it slowed down the accidents. After 3 months of follow-up adjustments, we were totally free of daytime accidents and the night-time accidents were few and far between. Within 6 months, she had completely stopped having accidents all together.
We still (2 years later) restrict her fluid intake after 6:30pm.
There is hope. Don't give up....Don't get overwhelmed and frustrated because your child is frustrated enough for everyone.
Even if the child acts like it doesn't bother them.....cleaning up after themselves, being held totally responsible will get old in and of itself.
I hope and pray that this helps. adoptedmomto6@yahool.com

Response #6
Dear Friends,
Thank you for expressing your concern and frustration about your son who is incontinent of urine.
There are many things that can cause a child to have day or night wetting accidents. It is wise to make certain there are no physical or emotional reasons for it before you assume your son is being rebellious and in need of a spanking. A simple delay in physical maturation, being a very heavy sleeper, a low-grade kidney or bladder infection, a very small bladder, urinary tract malformation, poor kidney function, nighttime seizures, consumption of caffiene, carbonated beverages or citrus foods can cause accidents. His doctor can check for all of these things. Sometimes stress (new things happening in the family or at school) can also cause them.
As the mother of a now-dry son, I understand that daytime accidents, soggy nights and smelly mornings make for extra work. Please consider implementing the following to make your life more pleasant and to decrease any shame your son might be feeling about waking up wet.
1. Tell him not to worry about day or night accidents. Tell him that since he is mostly dry during the day, you are confident that he will one day be dry day and night.
2. Promise yourself that with the help of God you will never again speak or behave in such as way so as to cause your son more shame than he already feels about this small issue.
3. Always have a nice change of clothing for him when you go out. Keep a set in the car so that you don't have to remember to bring it every time you go out.
4. Consider nighttime disposable pullups. They can be found in most big stores like Walmart or FredMeyer in the adult section for incontinence aids.
5. Invest in a change of pajamas, sheets and blankets that your son can keep in his room. Flannel sheets are warmer to wake up to when wet than are regular ones. Show him how to take the wet sheets and blankets off his bed and where to put them and his wet pajamas. If remaking his own bed is too hard for him, tell him you are all part of a team and that team members help each other. He can take the wet stuff off the bed and you can put the dry stuff on it. Be certain to thank him sweetly when he informs you of the need for making his bed in the morning. Praise him if he wakes you in the middle of the night to make his bed.
6. Establish a calm, friendly, and predictable bedtime routine. Dinner together, tidying his room (together), bath, storytime every night is a healthy way to end his (and your) busy day.
7. Remember, your son is not doing this to upset you or to challenge your authority. The vast majority of incontinence in young children is due to physical immaturity and will 'cure' itself in time.
Please let me know this progresses for you all. I would love to hear from you. L. Joy Boyer, RN, ICCE boyerlj@yahoo.com

Response #7
I'm responding to the family who wrote in your most recent issue:"Bed wetting? Should we spank?"
When the subject of bedwetting came up recently on a special needs listserve I'm on, several parents suggested that supplements of additional magnesium had helped their children. This was then tested out by several other list parents who then reported that it worked immediately.... and consistently. I can't say what the dosage might be...... I think it took a little trial and error on some family's parts but magnesium is not something that becomes toxic or dangerous at larger than RDA levels. I know some of the young kids are taking as much as 400 mgs a day. Magnesium is very calming to the central nervous system, too..... so, a good bedtime thing. I wanted to share the information, even though I have not personally had experience with it helping (our daughter has spina bifida issues and does not have bladder control because of that).
Another old folk remedy for bedwetting is honey...... just a big spoonful of honey by mouth, at bedtime...... maybe mixed into warm milk.
I won't comment on the spanking question...... but maybe it would be worthy a try on the supplements then possibly, it wouldn't be necessary.
hope that helps,
Patti Durovchic, mom to Katera, age 7 (CP, ACC, microcephaly, SBO-TCS, seizure disorder, severe global delays, motor and speech dyspraxia, sensory dysfunction, etc.).... in Washington state.
 

Response #8 Response to the query on bedwetting
I am responding to the letter in NATHHAN about a 7 year old boy who is still bedwetting.

My son (not disabled) had trouble with bedwetting. I tried waking him, restricting fluids, buying a sheet
that buzzed when he wet, to no avail.

He slept very deeply. When I got him up, he barely awoke, had trouble figuring out what I wanted, etc.
At last, around 7 years old, I told him he was old enough to change his own sheets, to help me out, and
wash and dry them. He did this cheerfully, and I never punished him. I did not want him to feel like
he was a failure. I, myself, had been a bedwetter as a child.

I never noticed when he grew out of it, because he kept it cleaned up himself. He grew up just fine, and
is now a policeman.

Some children just sleep too soundly.I thought I'd throw in my story, for encouragement.
Warmly,Rosemary Gwaltney

Response #9 Bedwetting?
Dear Mom and Dad,
God created a wonderful system when he made the bladder. Our bladder holds a certain amount of urine. If the urine stays in our systems too long, we can get a urinary tract infection. Too full bladders often empty themselves. This occurs in old age, some illnesses, infancy and childhood till our system matures. We have a saying at our house, “Continence is temporary. Enjoy it while you can.”
Consider letting your son have charge of the situation. It is his bladder, after all. Buy a couple of extra sets of sheets (they are cheap at thrift stores), and make sure the mattress is covered with waterproof protection. Let him drag off the wet sheets in the morning and put them into the washer. Put a stool next to the washer so he can do his job competently. Show him how to set the dials and how much soap to put in. (You will probably have to switch the load later.) He can take the dry sheets out and stash them somewhere till they’re needed. He may need to take a bath/shower in the morning to smell good. You have a tremendous opportunity to bless him. I have asked both my children when they were little--4 or 5 years old—Do you know what grownups do when they wet/poop their pants? Of course they have no idea; they didn’t think that grownups had that problem. Well, I say, they change them!
Encourage your son that his body will grow at the pace God determined it to. Some children walk early, some later. It is the same with all the developmental areas. God loves little boys, even ones that wet their bed.
I am not an expert in this area. I was a “bed wetter” who was screamed at and chased through the house with wet sheets. I have carried HUGE emotional scars from that. The irony is that now I am the only sibling near enough to visit our mother in her assisted living home. She is incontinent. God has brought me incredible healing through this situation.

Response #10 Bedwetting?
I am a mother of 8 boys. We had two boy who are adults now that had a bed wetting problem when they were young and have one who is 7 and is just growing out of it. Our oldest was having to go to the bathroom all the time, but we never realized it. He was a light sleeper so he really did not wet the bed. But was getting up to go to the bathroom all the time. In 5th grade his teacher started refusing to let him go to the bathroom because she told us it was a way he was being disruptive to the class and had a number of other excuses for our son. We have diabetes in our extended families and decided to take him to the Dr. it ended up that he had a physical problem that required surgery. After surgery he had no problems ever. Our next son who wet his bed not all the time but never was over wetting at night until he was around 10. It was very embarrassing for him and frustrating for us. At about 8 or 9 We took him to a Dr. and they checked to make sure that he did not have a health problem. We were told he had no health problems and that in some families this is not that unusual. Some kids just sleep so sound that they get totally relaxed in their sleep and with to much relaxation the bladder lets loose. Some kids can even know they have to go so they get up but they sleep walk, then you may find them going to the bathroom in a place that is not in the bathroom. We have experienced that with one of our youngest. I guess in response to "Should we Spank?",
I must say more harm is going to be done to the child if the parents don't realize that this is very embarrassing for the child. The child is not trying to make more work for his parents or make them mad. Wetting the bed is a bad experience for all involved. As a parent we need to not degrade them but encourage them to take there sheets off the bed when they do have an accident. Tell them not to eat or drink anything after 7 or 8 and explain why. We have allowed a sip if they are truly thirsty, after those hours, and explained why not to drink much in a loving way. Our Doctor also told us of a number of ways if the parents just do not want to wait it out until the child outgrows it that the Doctors will give the child a prescription drug that helps slow they kidney function down to the point that during the night they do not wet there pants. The Doctor explained that the main thing the drug is used for is as a depressant drug in male adults, but they found out if given to children it has no physiological effects but does work to make it so the child does not wet at night. We choose to change bed sheets and make sure we always had a mattress pad on the beds. Giving our child meds meant for adults only just so we have less work and have to spend less time supporting our child and letting him think he is abnormal was not anything we wanted to deal with. Our older children who had the most problems are now very happy successful young adults.
I know that this can be very trying and frustrating as a parent, but in the realm of all the things a parent has to or may deal with, bedwetting is only a minor thing.
Don't give up on the young man just look at all his great qualities and the joy he does bring to your life instead.
A Mom who understands!

Response #11 Bedwetting
I am sure you are being inundated with responses to this stepmother’s inquiry about bedwetting, but I must share some experiences with her.
I can guarantee you that her stepson is probably a very sensitive child emotionally whether he displays this outwardly or not. My brother wet the bed until he was about eight years old. He was also highly intelligent and sensitive. What the doctor found was that he could not relax enough during the day, and so he slept so soundly at night it was the only time his bladder was relaxed enough to fully empty. This relaxing does not occur until full REM sleep. At the time our household was in much turmoil, and that was reflected in his bedwetting. A simple dose of imipramine for about a year did the trick.
My husband and I have also fostered children who had very specific emotional needs and this seems to be par for the course. It is much more common in boys than girls, and my own theory is that they tend to hold their emotions in so much. She MUST talk to her child’s pediatrician immediately, especially if she is so upset about a little thing like bedwetting. I don’t know how the rest of you feel, but after having 2 children with ADD/ADHD, one of whom also has Down Syndrome, and Sensory Integration Dysfunction along with serious medical problems, I just feel that bedwetting is such a miniscule issue.
Under NO circumstances is it O.K. to punish a child for bedwetting! What child would EVER endure something so humiliating on purpose or out of laziness? This woman may have underlying issues with her stepson, and the bedwetting is just a scapegoat. I am seriously concerned for this child, and the Lord just will not let me rest about this. Please ask this woman to get some help emotionally for her too rigid expectations, and to ask the Lord to PLEASE change her heart. Whatever she does, she must not humiliate him. And also tell her that there is such a thing as pull-ups-we’ve been familiar with them for years!
Love your publication-thanks for the chance to respond! J Jenna Colston j.colston@charter.net

Response #12 Bed Wetting? Should We Spank?
Please do not spank. This is not the child's fault. I know I went through this with my doughtier, I found out that it was an allergy. This is what I did, and I have helped 12 families with this situation. I took my child off of all cow's milk and cow's milk products. for two weeks. At the end of two weeks I gave her cow's milk for Breakfast. still no bed wetting then I add it for lunch still no bed wetting. so I stop there.
Still no bed wetting. Found that if had milk products after 1.00 PM. she wet the bed. I would give here ice cream on her oat meal in the AM. for breakfast etc. There could be other things that can trigger the bed wetting. Here is something I kept that I took out of the Saturday evening post September 1980 this tells the story.

    Placing the Bed-Wetting Blame
"Cows Milk, Chocolate, eggs, grain and citrus fruit are bad bed partners for an estimated 5.5 million American children says Dr. James C. Breneman of Michigan State University. It is allergies to these substances that cause them to wet the bed every night. Once the offending food is removed from a child's diet, bed-wetting stops almost at once.
Cow's milk is the greatest culprit. Dr. Breneman found it caused allergies in 60 percent of the 500 subjects he studied between 1956 and 1979.
The bladder is the target in these food allergy cases, he says. Its wall swells, its volume is reduced and the smooth muscle becomes irritated and prone to spasm.
The allergy inflames the bladder's shutoff valve, making it less likely to constrict. The allergy also causes fatigue; the child sleeps deeply and is less motivated to get up during the night to relieve himself.
Dr. Breneman first checks his patients for other possible causes of enuresis such as genitourinary tract defect of infection. He then puts the child on a non-allergenic diet and reintroduces foods one at a time until the allergen is identified. Skin testing for food allergies, he believes, is not as reliable.
What many believe to be the cause of chronic enuresis-emotional stress-is actually only the result of the allergic symptoms, says Dr. Breneman. Bed-wetting is traumatic for both parents and children and it usually sets-up a pattern which reinforces stress.
"Children will grow out of the food allergy during puberty,' he says, " but they will often then become sensitive to inhaled allergens."
I know what I did for my daughter worked. She was not able to have other children for sleep over or go to them because of this problem. She knew after we found that this worked She only had to stay away from milk and milk products after lunch, and she did not wet the bed at all. If she went to stay all night at a friend house she would tell the mother of the friend that she could not have milk be cause she was allergic. She never had to say why. She knew if the had Ice cream etc. I would have some for her when she got home the next morning before noon.
As I said before I have helped 12 families that had this problem with this simple solution. "

That I got out of the Saturday evening post medical mailbox September 1980.
I hope this works for you like it worked for me and others. Wanda Cotton wgcotton@ellensburg.com
 

Response # 13
I , too, have a child (6 yrs. old) who still wets the bed. I recently picked up a book at our library on potty training to see if it had any ideas that
might help us. I found two things that I'd like to share. One is a book that comes from the Children's Memorial Hospital of Chicago Dept. of
Urology. They have a program called Try for Dry. The book is called "Getting to Dry" and costs $14.95 through Borders. It can be picked
up at Barnes and Nobles too.
I asked if they were used to working with children with all kinds of backgrounds. Our youngest children were in multiple placements, suffered through two disruptions and were abused in at least two foster homes. We feel certain that this is part of the reason our son has not been successful at remaining dry at night.
Next, the library book had an add for PODS. These adhere to your child's underpants much like sanitary napkins. I have not used them, but did order some after reading about them. The thought is that some children aquaint that "warm, cozy feeling of wet diapers" from their infancy to the same feel they get from pull ups. For our son, it might be a reminder of life with his birth family. We need to retrain his brain. PODS allow air circulation through the underpants so they cool quickly. It says they are absorbent enough to "contain the trickles and puddles", but still let children feel the wetness. (www.pottytrainingsolutions.com )
The way I see it, $14.95 is a small price to pay if it works and I'm not paying for pull ups anymore. Hope this is helpful. Remember that some children do have small bladders and other physical challenges that make it harder for them to train. We did speak with our family Dr. to be sure we weren't missing something medical/physical.
God bless you as you seek to find the solution for your step son. I pray that this helps to at least encourage you even if you don't benefit from the material. CYH Barb Burchett (Consider Yourself Hugged) barberic@acction.com

Response #14
This is a tough situation for you with the clean up and for your step son. No kid wants to wet the bed, so this isn't a deliberate action. My son had this problem. Punishment won't work because it's something they can't control and will only add to their emotional misery, Also, the increased mental pressure to sleep dry can end up producing anxiety in the child that can end up increasing the problem. Talk to your child's pediatrician, read reliable info (Dr. Dobson is a good start!) and empathize with your step son. Assure him that he will eventually sleep dry. In the meantime, forget the fitted sheets. Keep the bedding changes simple--and he can help with that or maybe do it all by himself which will save him the embarrassment of having to wake you. Flannel-like waterproof crib pads work well. There are also incontinence products available. Plug that term into a search engine or check out this site. Incontinence Briefs Perla | llmedico.com Good luck! Smiggles64@aol.com

Response #15 Bedwetting?
I am writing in response to the bedwetting/spanking issue. I am a pediatric physical therapist and also had a child who wet the bed until about 8 years of age.
Just like God created us with developing minds learning math skills in steps, so our body is created with developing skills and developing sensory understanding. Some of our children don't learn to read until 10 years of age and we are beginning to realize that is OK. But some of our children drool until they are 6, or stumble when they run until they are 8, or eat with their mouth open until they are 13! These are sensory issues. How do they know they are drooling, or their mouth is open? The sensations of a 2 year old in these issues are not the same as a 20 year old. And some of us just develop differently. That, I think, is God's plan.
You state "I told him that he needs to work on realizing that he has to go, that it isn't any different than during the day when your body tells you that you have to go." I also understand that sleep is a pattern that changes with developement and age. We know babies sleep through a lot and we older ones can't seem to sleep through the night. Your son could easily be dealing with the sleeping pattern of a youngster and the sensory understanding of a youngster. I feel if he was able he would certainly try his "best" to avoid the issue. The ability to control urine is controlled by a voluntary muscle. The muscle will hold or release on the brain's command. An infant has not developed the control of that muscle OR the sensation that stimulates that control and release.
With my own daughter, I understood these issues. But that doesn't mean I didn't get tired of washing sheets, and didn't get FRUSTRATED!! But just as the Lord waits for us to mature ( and all of us at different rates!), we need to show his love and grace while we wait for our young ones to mature. The misery of an adult recalling bedwetting - (and how many adults do you know who deal with this? Didn't they all "grow" out of it?) - is probably related to the shame we dealt them.
In practical terms, I let my daughter wear pull ups for a long time. The convenience to me was more important. I tried not to let it be an issue of shame for her, and often did things quietly when the other children were around. I bought CHEAP sheets and washed them until they wore out and threw them away. We had a rule that there would be no sleepovers with our children until about 6th grade. (we had other reasons there also, but it prevented problems with the bed wetting.)
I know it is frustrating, but looking back on it, - it was a short time of sheet washing in our lives. The relationship that can be built or hurt will be here forever. athenao@aol.com

Response # 15 Bedwetting

Dear Frustrated Mom,

We have three children, 6, 10, and 16. Our 16-year-old is profoundly developmentally delayed. We have dealt for years with toileting issues surrounding our 16 year old. She is continent during the day, finally, but we have no hope of nighttime continence any time soon. Our 10-year-old, however, is a typical child of "normal" intelligence (whatever that is) who has struggled also with being dry at night. It's interesting to note that our six-year-old virtually potty trained herself at 2 years of age and approximately six months later until the present has been totally dry at night with no effort on our part. Said all that to say each child is completely unique in their timetable of reaching this milestone.

We tried several things over several years with our son. It also may be of interest to note that I (mom) struggled with this issue until age 10 or 11 when my mother said I simply grew out of it. For our son we tried the synthetic hormone recommended by the pediatrician to no effect. We tried setting an alarm and waking at regular intervals to make him go to the bathroom. He never awoke fully enough during these episodes to even remember going. At the time we didn't understand the significance of being fully awake while toileting at night. We tried restricting fluids to no avail. We tried waking him nightly just before we went off to bed hoping one last emptying of the bladder very late in the evening might allow him to make it through the night dry. None of these things worked with any degree of consistency and only succeeded in discouraging him further and drawing attention to the fact that this is not OK to still be wetting at night. We were always very careful not to humiliate him in any way knowing that this is not something he has conscious control over and that humiliation would only serve to compound the problem. Our son in generally a very obedient child who enjoys pleasing Mom and Dad. We did however make him take responsibility for cleaning up each morning, whatever that might entail.

We came across a family who had gone with the Society for Enuresis, you know those magazine ads with the pen and ink sketch of the little girl with the oversized head who's crying--next to the caption in bold, red letters that reads "STOP BEDWETTING!" with an 800 number you can call. This family described how the organization assigns you a representative who provides you with an enuresis (bedwetting) alarm, tailors a developmental program to your child's individual needs, and monitors your family's progress in accomplishing these goals, adjusting the program as you go along. They said it took about two months for their 7-year-old son to become dry at night using this program. They also said it cost over $1,000. OOOUCH?? I knew immediately we could not go that route financially. However, the mom I spoke with was willing to describe to me, at length, the system of encouragements and rewards designed by the company rep to build confidence and responsibility into the child being treated. It didn't sound much different than any other system I've personally used with our kids to teach things such as chores or manners. I knew from our experience with medical suppliers (companies who supply wheelchairs, oxygen, asthma treatment machines, medical homecare supplies, etc.) that they carry enuresis alarms or could at least order them through a catalog. We decided the cost was worth the benefit of seeing an end to this nagging condition as well as for our son to grow in confidence that he could overcome it.

I made the mistake of paying retail at the medical supplier before going online to check out what was available there. The online price was $20 less than the medical supplier including shipping, and was a tiny fraction compared to the Society's fee for managing your progress. The device we used absolutely worked miracles. Inside of one week our son was dry all night or was getting up BY HIMSELF to go to the bathroom. As it turned out, we didn't even need the elaborate system of rewards described by the other family. Our boy was SO READY to be done with wetting. Now with a younger child who may not be as cognizant of the problem, some extra encouragement and rewards may be in order. For our son, just waking up dry was all the reward he needed. I wish we had checked into this product several years ago. The company is called NYTONE. Their Web address is www.stopbedwetting.net. On their Website is a link to a research document written by a Doctor regarding enuresis. I found this document helpful in wading through all the pro's and con's regarding this condition. Their phone # is 801-973-4090. I would heartily recommend this product to anyone whose child struggles with this issue. The old line of products where a pad of some sort was placed under the sheet were not as effective because the alarm didn't sound soon enough after wetting occurred. This product alarms the very instant they begin to urinate causing the child's brain to attach the sensation of the full bladder with the act of waking. We simply followed (to the letter) the instructions that came with the alarm. The literature that came with the product as well as the testimonials on the box indicate it can take up to three months to accomplish complete results. We were delightfully shocked when it only took one week. That was the first week of February, 2004. Our son has not wet at night a single time since then.

According to the directions, a certain percentage of kids will have relapses within the first year. If/when this happens we'll simply use the alarm again to get back on track. The only problems we had with the system were very minor. Our son's underwear were old and threadbare so the alarm lead was making contact through the fabric even when it was not wet. We solved this problem at first by adding a little patch of old t-shirt material to his undies to make them thicker. Later in the week we just bought him some new underwear. That solved the problem. If you have any questions or just need encouragement, please email us at jdgeer@peoplepc.com  and put "bedwetting" in the subject line. Hope this is an encouragement.

Sincerely,
Debby Geer
P.S. We would love to use this system on our 16-year-old, but she has autistic tendencies that prevent her from tolerating anything attached to her body, especially her arms and hands, that is "out of the norm." If anyone at NATHHAN has any magic tricks we can use on her to accomplish nighttime continence, we would certainly be appreciative of you passing those along.

Response # 16 Bedwetting Letter
Dear Mom through Nathan news,

I hope you get a chance to read this letter. I want you to know, I perfectly understand what you are going through. I understand you are tired of washing sheets and clothes. I was in that position for a long time. We have just come out of our bedwetting slump. My son is the youngest of three boys. He was 11 when he just stopped wetting the bed. We kept things on the norm by not spanking, yelling, or teasing (by his older brothers). We, too, tried to wake him up before we went to bed around 11:30 p.m., but still had those accidents. He just couldn't wake up. He was a heavy sleeper and the doctor told us to hang in there because he had no medical problem. He just wasn't fully developed in his bladder and couldn't control his urine at night. I also had a friend with the same problem, her son was a little older than mine and wet the bed a little longer. We were able to lean on each other through this. I know this might not sound encouraging, but trust me, they really are not doing this on purpose and they themselves would like to stop wetting the bed. It is uncomfortable for them and can't really spend the night anywhere or go to camp for fear of feeling humiliated. This is why it is not a good idea to spank or yell. They need all the encouragement they can get to help them through this stage. It is embarrassing for them. Cutting his fluids off is a good idea, try it after dinner time, at least no later than 7:00 p.m. This will be hard too, but encourage your son and tell him you will try all you can to help him through this. Just give him your love and praying with him is really important too. Just knowing God loves him no matter what, will encourage him to get through this long road. My son was just starting to go through puberty when he no longer had wet nights. That could be anywhere between 10 and 13 years old. I do hope this helps and I will keep you all in prayer. If you want to e-mail me you may. God Bless and best wishes. ddlott@kaltenet

Response #17 Bedwetting?
Dear Mom,
I just read your questions about spanking your son for bedwetting. As a former bedwetter (from a whole family of bedwetters!) I just felt I had to write.
Bedwetting is caused by a child sleeping too deeply. He is so sound asleep that his brain cannot respond to his bladder's calls for help in the night. Your own statement said the truth "...I got him back up at 10:30 which is a chore because he is dead asleep." You are right - he IS dead asleep. And that is exactly what he is when he wets the bed - dead asleep.
When your son's sleep pattern matures, he will sleep more like an adult ( lighter!!) and he will be able to wake up when his bladder calls for help. He will not sleep so deeply that he cannot wake up. But it will be something you will have to wait on. You cannot change how fast his sleep pattern mature nor how deeply his body sleeps. And neither can he.
I wet my bed nightly until I was 12 years old. The only times I did not wet the bed, was when I was away from home, visiting someone. Then I did not sleep soundly because I was not in my own bed. Lo and behold, when I didn't sleep so soundly, I could wake up and go to the bathroom. You may have already seen this happen with your son.
Instead of realizing that it was his deep sleep that was changed, you may have decided, "Oh, see there - he really can control it if he wants to!" WRONG. He just didn't sleep well in a strange bed and that made it easier for him to wake up. He wasn't dead asleep.
When I was about 11, puberty began and my sleep pattern began to change: it took longer to fall asleep, slept a shorter period of time, etc. My sleep pattern became more like an adults, lighter, shorter, etc. It is a physical maturity thing and you cannot make it happen sooner than it will.
Pad his bed with old towels. Put him in Depends. And ask the Lord to help you accept, with a gracious spirit, how He has made your son.
The bedwetting will pass eventually. It will be a long-gone thing one day. But the words you say to him about it, or the disapproval you heap on him, the attitude of disgust, or the criticism you say to him, will never be forgotten. So be careful how you treat him, and what you say, because those things won't go away.
I care about you Mom. I don't want you to regret your words and actions someday.
Love Kim KCissell@aol.com

Response #18

I thought this article would help Bed wetting? Should we spank? There are several websites that would be helpful for this problem. www.focusonthefamily.org/www.family.org

www.bedwetting.ferring.ca

  www.AetnaInteliHealth.com 

Thanks and God Bless You. Deb
When my son was still wetting the bed at night, I also got very tired of washing the mattress pad, sheets, blankets, and comforter almost daily. So I just let him sleep on the vinyl mattress protector with a sheet or blanket covering him depending on the season until he outgrew wetting the bed. Having patience is a virtue that you need in this situation. God Bless, Deb dmitchell05@earthlink.net

Response #19 Bedwetting
I am writing about the question on bedwetting. We had 4 children with the problem at some time of other. Our two oldest were already in school for several years probably before we got the problem conquered. I bought a buzzer type system from another lady in our church. It has a pocket to sew onto the panties where a little "sensor" slips into. Velcro strips are sewn onto the shoulder of the nightwear. the battery and alarm are in a little box which then velcros onto the shoulder. When the sensor gets wet the alarm goes off. Somehow this worked for both of the oldest two. I still have the system and would be glad to give it to you. I believe she got it new for $60.
Our third child didn't have a problem until about third grade. I feel this was a stress-related issue because he had a teacher at that time which he really had aproblem with. When the teacher left, the problem gradually resolved itself.
Our fourth child, like the first two, never had achieved complete nighttime control. I tried to use the buzzer with her but she hated it so bad, she just taught herself to wake up and go! Don't ask me how that worked! I just praise the Lord that He helped her do it.
Spank them? To me it seems that no child would willfully or defiantly wet the bed and isn't that the context a spanking should be given for? It is hard to hold someone accountable for something he is doing in an unconscious state.
Yes, it does get tiresome to wash the sheets all the time. I am glad you are washing them for him so he doesn't have to go to sleep in a smelly bed every night!
Let me know if you want to try the alarm.
Wishing you success, Rosy Bontrager  jrbontrager@emypeople.net 

Response #20 Bedwetting?
I am the mother of 9 going on 10 children. Several of them had bedwetting issues, and I have some very strong beliefs because I too was a bedwetter. When I was a child I was spanked, and I remember a heartbroken feeling of being told I was disobeying, when I truly did not know how to control myself.
I have several suggestions for you; some have worked for different children. First of all, if possible due to age and maturity level, give the child responsibility for their bed. They can learn quite early how to strip it, wash any odor off a plastic cover, and put it in the washing machine. Secondly, there may be some issue of bladder size and strength. Some good suggestions we have found are to increase fluid intake earlier in the day, delay a trip to the bathroom with a specific time goal, (let's see if you can wait for 10 minutes this time!) and practice stopping and starting the urine flow in the toilet.
The final idea has been the best for our nine year old daughter. We had tried everything, and were very frustated. She is diabetic, so high blood sugars can have some effect on urine control, also. We were taught about deep sleepers, and how this can run in families. The recommendation was to use an alarm. Though it is waking them in the night, it only wakes them if they begin urinating so their brain can make the connection. We found one through a company online that is placed in the child's underwear, with the alarm worn on their clothes. Our daughter has made considerable progress. She has had several dry nights, and has woken on her own to use the toilet in the night several times. She is pleased with the success, even though she wasn't thrilled with the monitor at first. Our hope is that with a few more weeks of practice, she may be able to go "on her own".
If you are interested in this approach, the company's name is Koregon Enterprises, and it is located in Oregon. The phone is 1-800-544-4240. The unit and two pads for females, with shipping cost us about $75, but has been well worth it.
I highly recommend you take the opportunity to pray daily with your son. Together, you can pray for a solution. Try to help him understand that it is a skill, like riding a bike, that needs to be learned, and practiced. Mastering control over this area has been very encouraging to each of our children.
I hope some of this may be helpful for you. If you want to ask me any questions my name is Kristy, and my e-mail is Rellimfam@aol.com  God bless you and your whole family as you work through this issue.

Response #21 Bedwetting?
This is in response to the family that wrote about their 7 year old son who is still bed-wetting. We had the same problem with our son. The doctors explained to us that it is not uncommon for boys to have bed-wetting problems. They explained that their nervous systems are immature and when they get into a deep sleep they are not awoken from sleep as we would be. It was not a behavior issue with our son. They tried medication when he was 5 years old which did not work. At 6 1/2 years our new doctor told us about a buzzer system developed out of Palco Labs in Santa Cruz, CA. It is called Wet-Stop. It was very effective for our son. It was not long before he was staying dry. Their literature states that Wet-Stop reinforces the normal bladder-to brain messages (as the body's signal to awaken and go to the bathroom during extremely sound sleep is not registering) and teaches your child to awaken before the onset of urination. We also did not give our son anything to drink after 7PM. If you are interested, the phone number for Palco Labs is 1-800-346-4488. They had a money back guarantee policy when we used it. My son was so relieved to have that problem taken care of as he would wear large diapers to bed to keep his bed from getting wet at night and he did not want ANYONE to know! We used this system for him a long time ago as he is now 23 years old, but we also tried it for our adopted daughter with special needs when we were having problems with her a few years ago. It did not work for her because it turned out she has a very rare bladder disorder and is now catheterized.
If you would like any further info please e-mail me at maxgrp@prodigy.net . My name is Dianna. I hope this helps. I know Palco Labs is still at that number as I checked today to be sure my info was up to date.

Response #22 Bedwetting?

My dear sister, I want you to know you are not alone in your frustration with your child's bedwetting. We have had 12 years of bedwetting and KNOW the weariness of soaked bedding, 2nd hand washers that you wonder if they'll survive much longer, electric bills that are high due to all the laundry, and still... no matter what the incentive given, no matter that no liquids are consumed
after 4 pm, the bed is still wet!
The good news! We have experienced only 1 wet bed since January 1, 2004 and when I told Christopher I was going to write you tonight about this, he reminded me that he had forgotten to empty his bladder that night at bedtime, or that night would have been dry too. :-)
Rubber sheets wear out but still we'd try to buy a new one every several months as we needed one that wouldn't leak to put on top under his sheet, then we'd have a mattress pad under it over an older couple of rubberized sheets that had lost their flannel from repeated washings and still the mattress would get soaked and stink. He had a top bunk for years so changing sheets was really wearying. Dad would get quite upset when he'd
realize I was washing sheets yet again! You know the perplexity and frustration....
At first we got him up in the night, that helped some when he was younger. There were occasions where he'd be dry for several nights, even weeks with no wet beds then some fruit would start the process all over again and we'd have a wet bed for months every night. When he was 5 the first allergy testing we had done showed he was allergic to vanilla among other things and to our surprise, even though he got very little vanilla, it seemed to affect his bladder and as soon as we cut it out of his diet completely, there were more dry beds, less frequent trips to the bathroom in the daytime. We thought we were onto success. But success never went very far.
Then we noticed that when we'd run out of Evening Primrose Oil (that was the first supplement we ever gave him other than a multiple vitamin) that he would start wetting the bed again if he'd been dry for awhile, so we felt it was responsible. But using it faithfully year around, it never dried up the bed, but it did seem when we ran out of it, that Always meant more severe bedwetting.
There were times we punished him, trying to make him feel bad for doing it, other times we used incentives -- in recent years we would pay 50 cents for every morning the bed was dry and he'd pay us $1 for every morning the bed was wet. Well, it only would take a few wet mornings for him to decide it wasn't worth trying so hard as he'd lose his money anyway so that didn't work. One morning when he had earned several dollars from a variety of sources and his bday, he was putting his dollar in the "kitty" where fines go, and then he went in and got ALL his money and came out and stuffed it in the hole too. I asked why he did that when he only owed one dollar. He declared it would all go there anyway, he wanted to get it over with! I had hoped at the time he'd earn enough to buy a special Creation Science book or video he wanted, and was so pleased he was on his way to doing so, and here he felt so overwhelmed at ever being able to use his earnings for something of value, I realized paying for wet beds was not accomplishing any value.
My husband would get so frustrated but I knew there had to be an underlying cause so researched as much as possible but couldn't figure much out. (A few months ago my husband did admit that he wet the bed up until about age 11 himself :-) ) We do know Christopher's super sensitive to salycilates which are mainly in fruit and strawberry season would start bedwetting on a nightly basis whereas he tended to be dry right before that some years because we'd used up the fruit from the freezer by then. So then we tried limiting the amount of fruit he consumed in a day and saw to it that it was consumed by 2 pm. That sometimes helped, sometimes didn't. We'd only allow fruit every other day, early in the day. That seemed to help but when berries are in season such a short time, it seemed cruel to have them sitting in the frig and not allow him to eat them, but he was pretty good about not getting into them on the days I said he couldn't.
We refused to let him have any liquid after 4 pm. That didn't help much if at all, yet we still maintained that up until the past month or two.
Most of the time I just washed the bedding and felt if I made as little fuss as possible about it that it would go away. I remembered reading about a child whose mother hung his yellow-stained sheets out on the line for everyone to see on their way home for lunch so the child hated to come home from school. I felt so heavy hearted for that child, knowing Christopher was not doing this to make more work for me, and he really didn't seem to be able to control it. The problem was his bladder tended to hold what seemed like a whole gallon.
Then Jan/Feb 2003 my son went a full month with no bm. The pediatrician felt I was making a mountain out of a molehill, that he simply wasn't telling me and there was no real problem. All we gained from dealing with the dr's office was prescriptions he was allergic to and the threat of a barium swallow which would have been horrific had we allowed it to take place as barium MUST have an exit and nothing was passing through his bowel. I was amazed he stayed healthy with so much fecal matter in there. We turned to a Christian naturopath who has helped a lot of other autistic children in our area. She immediately commented, "He's full of magnesium, why is there no peristaltic motion?" She found his tailbone was misaligned from a fall and she gently massaged it back into position using a Bowen or Boudin technique and within an hour his bowels were moving. But with this problem, we began dealing with the fact he refused to drink water, only very diluted grape juice (due to severe allergies to apples which are in almost every other juice) and he had gotten so he refused to drink even juice. In our effort to get his bowels moving we started paying for each cup of water consumed a day and giving bonus reward for 8 cups a day. Before this, no amount of coaxing, bribery, demanding -- nothing got water in him.
I had personally noticed when I'd given up fruit juice to drink only water myself sometime before this, that when I drank fruit juice, when my bladder needed emptying, it needed emptying NOW. When I drank plain water, my bladder could be very full but I was not in desperation to empty it, that if I had to wait 10 minutes, even 45 minutes, it was possible without agony. So I began to think this might be the key to his bedwetting. We saw some good results for dry bed in spite of the fact he was drinking 8 cups of water a day and it was taking until 6 pm to get the last water in. Then something would happen and the bed would be wet again. The naturopath told me that the tailbone misalignment affects the bladder as well so she felt his tailbone misalignment might have something to do with bedwetting. So a couple times when his bm's were still infrequent but bedwetting was, we had the Bowen technique (or a very similar name) done and usually we saw improvement in bedwetting, but not permanently.
Because he had refused to drink water for so many years, I had always felt his kidneys were weak so I'd been giving him cranberry capsules to aid his kidneys but we never really saw a difference with or without them and now we know he's very allergic to cranberry so he's not taking them currently.
This past winter I had a temporary job for a few weeks and Dad, who is retired, was homeschooling him and I'd come home weary from work to be greeted by wet bedding that couldn't be dried enough by bedtime to get all the rubberized sheets back on the bed to protect the new mattress that we'd had to start using as the other was too stinky and we wondered if mold from it was causing some of his brainfog or bedwetting or other problems. Or sometimes Dad would get the sheets in the washer only to discover when I was putting them back on, that the quilt was soggy and had soaked the mattress all day. It was very frustrating. Rubberized sheets tend to get our washer out of balance and also they have to be spun out in rinse cycle twice as they hold water so washing the sheets was not something Dad found easy to do. I tried to not let my frustration show as I knew Christopher really couldn't control this, and the naturopath had commented when I said I knew some fruits triggered it, she had said something like, "It's really hard to positively pinpoint the cause of bedwetting often. Sometimes things are merely coincidence." One night I was wearily putting his sheets back on his bed and making sure he had emptied his bladder before I read to him and I sighed and said, "Christopher, I don't know what we're going to do. You'll soon be 12 years old and you're still wetting the bed every night." He was so sad, I was sorry I'd said anything but I had debated if my lack of showing frustration was hindering him realizing he needed to work harder on keeping the bed dry or if it was the best reaction for the situation. I just didn't know. I knew if I couldn't help doing something like that, it would be very painful to have people constantly criticize me for doing it.
As the new year was coming I said "Let's see how many nights you can go dry into the new year" or something like that. I think he wet the bed nightly up to New Year's Eve. We prayed several nights that the Lord would help him empty his bladder well enough or help him wake up if he needed to go to the bathroom, so he could wake up dry. He often would go to the bathroom a number of times up until he'd finally drop off about 1 am. Then as each morning came we'd celebrate with joy that he was dry. I'd sometimes wake him early to see if he needed to go to the bathroom. One night as I was reading to him I realized it had been 2 weeks, then 4 weeks, a whole month!
Now he's been dry all of this year except one night and he admitted he had failed to empty his bladder before bedtime that night. Christopher is high functioning autistic and has trouble remembering what he's supposed to do. He had gone in the bathroom and even answered my routine Q when he came in the bedroom about emptying his bladder but it was a routine and he had not really thought about the fact he had only brushed his teeth apparently, and answered, "Yes, yes" but he'd forgotten to empty his bladder that night.
Tonight on the way home from Awana I was telling him I was going to write a family who wondered if spanking would help their son stop wetting the bed. He was real quiet, then said, "I wish I had email on my computer so I could write them." I asked what he'd like me to tell you. He told me to tell you what I'd told him I was thinking of saying on the way home, "and that spanking wouldn't help."
All I can say is, hang in there. Ask God for wisdom. We tried getting him up every couple hours, withholding liquids after 4 pm, we've tried
punishment and incentives, supplements, pullups/no pullups (while they still fit), etc, and at times we prayed so much for wisdom and what worked then didn't work the next time the bed was constantly wet. Our children change as they grow. What works one day may work another time, it may not. There is definitely a difference between not caring and not being able to keep from wetting the bed and it's not always easy to determine which is the case with special needs kids. But I've seen in a couple places recently (I can't remember where but rejoiced to read in print) that it's not uncommon for boys especially to have nightly bladder control issues up past 8 years of age. The problem is those nighttime pullup pants are expensive and I remember paying him every time he woke up dry in them when we could still find them big enough for him, because he was saving me that much money and then we'd buy a special video or toy or something with the money but that wasn't the underlying reason he woke up dry then I don't think, but I wanted him to have something to be happy about waking up dry. Other times he was so weary of knowing Dad was going to grumble if the bedding was noticed while I was washing it (and in a mobile home it's pretty hard to sneak a load of laundry to finish, unnoticed), that I think he simply did not care. so what was the use? There were times he needed scolding, other times I knew I was to keep quiet.
Recently I learned of something called tethered cord in kids who don't have regular bowel movements and in reading about it, it seems they tend to wet the bed a lot and that getting the tethered cord corrected clears up both problems.
I just now reread your letter in NATHHAN News and realize this is your stepson. The bedwetting may have something to do with having a new mom, the strangeness of the situation to this little boy's mind. There may be fear of not being able to please you and wanting to be assured you love him no matter what his body does. Maybe other children in the home (I don't know if this is a blended family or not) make him feel less secure at night so he has trouble controlling his bladder then too. I've known of some adopted children and those with step-parents to have more bedwetting issues during those first couple years after the adoption or home change than average. With your step-son, it could be inside he's angry that his real mommy isn't there with his daddy, and knowing this upsets you, this is his way of expressing his frustration. If he finds out it doesn't upset you, if that is what is causing it, it's apt to stop. But also, it could just be the trauma of his home being different than it once was, and he honestly can't
help it and then worrying about doing it and upsetting you, may make it happen more than if he didn't feel you'd be upset by it. I do know most of
the time I really felt the Lord wanted me to not show frustration over the constant bedwetting. But other times when I'd try to get him up and I had
succeeded in fully waking him only to have him deny he had to go, but then wetting the bed, those days I scolded him as I felt it could have been
avoided. I also read Dr. Dobson's thoughts about not waking the child and thought each child is unique -- I know lots of parents who wake their kids, others who don't. I think we can only do what God shows us is best for our child.
Just know you're not alone and someday..... someday the bladder muscles will hopefully function properly. For boys it takes longer than girls and I've read two different places in recent months that it's sometime in grade school years one can expect them to finally stay dry usually. I have a nephew with lots of allergies and the poor guy, he's now 30 but I'm not sure he's ever spent the night at a friend's house and I'm pretty sure it's due to bedwetting as he used to have such a hard time with that growing up. His siblings would come out and spend time with us but he never did, even though he loved our place. The family never said why he didn't come out to stay but when I once mentioned Christopher's wet bed my sister mentioned how similar our boys are, and I knew she was alluding to the fact her oldest son had bedwetting issues. I'd always puzzled why she had so much laundry to do every day when her kids were growing up. After that I suddenly realized why she had so much to do every day.

Blessings, Carol Blackman in Colton, OR edcarol@colton.com

Response #23 Bedwetting info.
Hi from Michele in SC,
I am responding to the bedwetting article and I would like to know if you have received much info on the subject? I found a very good article on the subject in a recent local parent magazine. A web site was given for much needed info and went into detail as to the many reasons why a child would wet the bed. This article was very helpful to me and I can pass some info on if the family in Nathhan News can use it. Also I had a brother who wet the bed until he was ten, and a friend's daughter took medication which seemed to help some. Please reply if I can pass on new information


Response #24 Bedwetting?
ABSOLUTELY NOT! YOU should NOT spank a child for something that they have NO CONTROL over!!!
When HIS muscles are strong enough and when he is able to teach himself to wake in the night he will!!! Until then there is NO amount of SHAMING that will do anything to help this situation. in fact it will do far more to damage the child long term and emotionally than anything else.
PLEASE do not spank your child for this bedwetting problem. It is NOT willful disobedience! It is as it is...an accident of immaturity.
Does your child use riddalin? one of the major side effects of this drug as you may know is bed wetting.
Dr. Dobson is a GREAT and respected authority on ALL things child related. I would read his book dare to discipline and bringing up boys. Spanking should be reserved for DIRECT DISOBEDIENCE only.
Sincerely Traci Fiaretti Check LIFE CHOICES out on the web!
http://www.choices4life.info/ or email us: choices4u@alltel.net


Response #25 Bedwetting? Should we spank?
This is a response to the above family with this situation. My son is 11 years old now and suffers still from this very same problem.
I was lucky as my mother in law pulled me aside one day when my son was about 3-4years old and potty training was not going well. She told me
that her brother and my husband and one of our nephews all suffered from this same thing. What is it? About one in ten boys has this problem.
It is a little lever in their penis that does not develop until later in life, some boys it is age 7 others need to go until puberty. It is not
an emotional problem if there has been a family history of this, then it is a genetic development delay that is all. Another symptom is that they are deep sleepers and they do not feel the need to get up and go to the bathroom and the lever is not fully developed to handle the pressure so the bed wetting occurs.
Solution-- No spanking, help him feel ok with this bed wetting, wash sheets. Use night time diapers if he will and if it is what you want .
We do use them and then occasionally do need to wash the sheets and blankets. We stopped getting our son up after he was asleep as he was
too sleepy to go, or just got very angry for disturbing him, this was tiring and stressful for all of us.
Last year I did discover some Chinese herbs that have helped him a lot so he could go to church camp and not wet the sleeping bag. In a month now we may have to wash sheets only 2-3 times. What an improvement. If you want to talk more you can e-mail me at rtsbarnett@juno.com  Hope this helps and is an encouragement to your whole family.